A different state of mind

I thought I would blog a lot more through my pregnancy, since it's such a mind fuck. I've been writing in my head, yet it just hasn't been put into words. I survived water polo season, graduated with my Masters and am finishing up the last few weeks of work at my wellness job. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I still feel like a huge part of me is in denial. I see myself getting larger...freakin' everywhere, I've been getting the nursery ready ish, had an amazing baby party (it involved Tequila, therefore, not a baby shower, but a baby party, in case you were wondering), I pin baby shit on Pinterest, go to natural birthing classes and I've seen what my baby's face looks like! Yet, the thought of actually having a baby around 24/7 is highly overwhelming and unreal!

I've had a few weeks, on and off, where I've been SUPER tired. I would usually never miss a workout, or go lay in my car at work, but last week for example, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. And felt like the size of a truck, but that's beside the point. Being so tired made me feel lazy, the feeling of lazy made me feel depressed. For the first time in my life, I felt like how many of my clients have felt- depressed, large, tired, anxious, etc. We all have our reasons, mine just has everything to do with being pregnant! It's hard to pull yourself out of that mindset, regardless the reason of why you have it in the first place. I know I have a miracle to look forward to, but as of right now, it's depressing to feel so out of my normal (aka non-preggo) routine, in a body that I don't recognize, in a mood/mindset that I'm not familiar with and really don't like or condone.

If Snookie can do it, SO CAN I!

It's obvious that I do not enjoy being pregnant. I do, however have a whole new appreciation for how strong, resilient and capable a woman's body is. I've been incredibly fortunate to have a very easy pregnancy and to even my own surprise, I'm not afraid of going into labor without an epidural! I've done everything to be physically prepared for pregnancy/labor prior to getting pregnant, as well as during this pregnancy and for that I am SO grateful.  I am afraid of everything after all this! I don't think you can truly prepare for life with baby, which is why it's so overwhelming to comprehend. Every time I try to plan out the what ifs...I end up freaking myself out. I don't know anything about babies, or what life will be like, but I am confident in my resources and  instincts.

It's important for me to write this for a few reasons: to be able to look back and laugh/criticize myself for being such an ass hole, and to provide a different perspective (the good and the bad) of what it's like to be pregnant because there are a lot of extremes that you hear or read about. Maybe my honesty will resonate with a few people!

True love.

I am excited to meet Baby Battles- it comes in waves where all of a sudden it hits me...this will be the most challenging, yet rewarding thing I will EVER do or experience. Besides, if I can love my water polo girls and my dogs as much as I do, I KNOW I will completely love and adore this baby. We'll all be ok.