What's your Excuse? Here are Mine

A while back I performed this "wellness" exercise with one of my clients. I try to be a positive person, but I am also my greatest critic. Negative thoughts are produced from triggers; social media, a conversation, stress, comparisons, change, etc.

Recognizing your excuses can actually help combat them. Regardless of my excuses and negative thinking, I have to find a way to counteract these thoughts when they become present. Otherwise, excuses will ruin you. They will ruin me. They ruin anyone who is in pursuit of living a strong, healthy and balanced life.

So, here are my excuses:

-SHE DOESN'T HAVE A BABY (therefore, she doesn't understand, she has the time and ability to be "better." than me.)
-I had a traumatic delivery/harder postpartum recovery than her
-My body will never be the same/I'm ruined
-I work
-I work late, random hours and am emotionally invested in my career
-I have a husband who works nights, has a dangerous job and an inconsistent schedule
-I'm missing out on parts of my son's life
-I don't have family that lives locally to help watch Cade
-I have limited time to workout
-I'm not strong/as strong as I was
-My freedom is gone
-Limited support system
-I can't leave the house...Cade has to nap
-I'm a slave to my baby's schedule
-I'm breastfeeding
-I had a 9 pound baby inside of me
-Stretch marks. Loose skin.
-I suck at cooking
-I'm tired. Chronically.Tired.
-I don't have time to prepare meals
-I need time to spend with my husband
-My abs are still separated and are trying to heal
-We can't afford to do ____
-I just don't have time to do it all


These are just some of my excuses and negative thoughts. Recognizing them, NOT justifying them, allows me to move past them in order to be healthy...mentally and physically. Some of these can easily be countered, others just have to be accepted and embraced. And some, well they just boil down to insecurity and comparison. I realize how awful and destructive some of these are, but after working with a ton of women, I also know that I am not alone with these thoughts and excuses.

What are your excuses? Recognize them, combat them and conquer them. Become stronger through action every day.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." - Reinbold Niebubr

Keep the Mom Jeans

You know, sometimes I just wanna walk around wearing a shirt that proclaims, "I love rap music, swearing, barbells, Tequila and bikinis." With Cade on my hip. Yes, I do feel like I have something to prove.

Why? Because there's this misconception that once you become a mom you're automatically lame. It's terrible! Take me to a bar...I still have game, dammit and I'll prove it (with enough Tequila, that is). I don't want to "look" like a mom. I want people to be surprised when they find out I have a baby...you know? Is that so much to ask?

 I think a lot of people assume that once you become a mom all you care about is your precious babbling baby, stroller walks, mommy talk and how often your baby shits. And I'm over here like, "keep your mom jeans and stretch mark cream!" Although, workout pants/leggings may be the new version of mom jeans and for that, I'm way guilty. Anyway...

Here's my selfish cry for awareness. Being a mom is awesomely amazing. And horrendously hard. And it makes you crazy and redefines a LOT of your life and priorities. BUT...it doesn't change everything. It doesn't mean that I don't want to go out with my friends, or that I'm gonna start using pink dumbbells instead of heavy weight, that I don't care about my career, or that I'm going to trade in rap music for baby lullabies. Hey people, I am capable of having a normal conversation, and my interests haven't changed....I've just added some mama talk versatility to my repertoire (who am I?!).

I love Cade. Duh- have you seen my Facebook and Instagram? I'm ridiculous now! I've totally become THAT person who only posts baby pictures. I will talk about him endlessly...I mean, check out every blog I've written in the last 6 months! He totally occupies every ounce of brain power I have. Thankfully he's adorable and kinda melts my heart. But anyway, I by all means I welcome and enjoy a break from the crazy-new-mom mode. That reason alone is why Jared and I escaped to the Dominican. It was good for our mental health!

So, if you are friends with a new mom and you're like, "dammit! She's sooo lame now!" I don't blame you for thinking that. I absolutely LOVED this article where the author talks about how she secretly hates it when her friends announce pregnancy because it means everything is about to change. So true. So very, very true. I've been a train-wreck and am beyond grateful for the friends who have seen me through this change and have been patient with me. I'm also grateful for a select few that have kept me in check and haven't allowed me to completely fall off the deep end into mommy land with the other crazies.

So, with that, I'd like to give a shout to my sister who has kicked me out of my house so I could get a pedicure in peace, for the guys at the gym who entertain Cade while I hit a heavy squat set, for Jared who watches Cade while I work, to the friends that know to actually come to my house because it makes it easier for me to hang out without having to worry about my psycho baby losing it in public because he missed a nap, to my mom who got me Lululemon instead of furry slippers, for the friends who have forced (ok, maybe I forced them) to go get a drink with me and for my best friend who has not allowed this new adventure to change our friendship and the substance of our conversations. Thanks for keeping me sane. For knowing what to do. And what not to do. For making the effort. Seriously people, it's the little things that really do make the biggest difference.

Hold onto your crazy mom friends. You'll need them one day cuz motherhood is a kick to the face and I'm pretty sure it makes everyone declare temporary insanity at one point or another. However, there's no one better to hold your hand through it all than a friend you have always loved, who has already been there and done that and wants to help you during this change. And if you don't want kids...let your crazy mom friend be your reminder to take your birth control. ;)

xoxoxo!

Reflection and Renewal

This year has forever changed me and not just because I had a baby! But, he's obviously the highlight! Everything that came along with growing him, delivering him and raising him gave me lessons and perspective that nothing else in life could have possibly taught me. I'm a stronger person because of what I learned and endured this year and it has forever changed my outlook on life!

What 2013 Gave Me:

-The confidence that a pregnant woman is still a capable and strong woman.
-The humbling lesson of planning for the best and experiencing the worst
-A Masters Degree at 7.5 months pregnant
-A successful water polo season while pregnant and a incredibly difficult pre-season with a newborn.
-The conclusion of my work in corporate wellness (for now)
-The realization that I can't do it all anymore. At least not now. Raising my baby is my most important job.
-That pregnancy is beautiful, awkward, inconvenient and a true miracle.
-The purest and deepest form of love is in the eyes of my baby
-The most incredible sounds of baby smiles, giggles and squeals.
-The experience of truly falling in love with my husband.
-Watching my husband become a father and seeing him step up to take care of me when I was at my lowest solidified the depth of our marriage.
-Selflessness and humility...it's no longer about what I want...it's about what my baby needs.
-That finding the time to be healthy...to workout and eat well is harder than ever before.
-Taking ownership in accepting the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
-That no matter how strong and organized you are prior to becoming a parent, a baby will challenge every aspect of your being.
-PATIENCE.. Nothing teaches you patience like a screaming baby.
-The ability to allow myself vulnerability by asking for help
-The strength to say "no" for the betterment of my health, sanity and family's needs.

 -A heartbreaking understanding of which friendships could not withstand the changes of this year.

-An endlessly grateful heart for those friends that made the effort to embrace me and grow with me.
-My family members who would drive over an hour to be with me, hold me up, let me cry, folded my clothes, made me dinner and changed the damn diaper so I could try and relax.
-People I had not spoken with in years offering words of encouragement and a network of women who get it and were brave enough to reach out.
-The satisfaction of being able to breastfeed my baby. I never knew how important it was to me until it almost wasn't possible. Breastfeeding= perseverance and commitment...6 months strong!
-My 20 water polo players who have supported me through pregnancy and now in babysitting adventures...may Cade be their best form of birth control.
-The clients that helped shape me as a professional in the wellness world. My experiences with them taught me more than any text book or degree.
-The healing power of time.

-The ability to truly understand that it is possible to love your body, appreciate what it is capable of, and change it at the same time.
-That slow progress is still progress; from learning how to be a mom, to redefining my relationships, to making peace with my body and mindset.
-That other "mommies" will either drive you crazy, or seriously save you.
-How to rejoice and reflect on little victories.
-And lastly, 2013 gave me an abundance of love and more support than I ever could have imagined experiencing.

To all of you that have shared in my experiences, even if it's just through this blog, I want to thank you. The content of this blog has changed dramatically through the years and it really has reflected my growth as a young woman, a professional and now a mom.  I hope my honesty through everything I shared this past year as a crazy pregnant lady and an insecure new mom has made you laugh or resonated with you in some way.  Although we are all different, our lives are connected and similar experiences tie us together, whether in the past, present or in the future.

I'm in the process of slowly starting up my own business of training clients locally out of my garage and also doing online wellness consultations so I can continue working in the field that I'm passionate about.  I'm not sure of all the details, but hopefully this blog will help shape these goals and coincide with the efforts.

I wish you all a very happy and healthy New Year!
To view a short clip of our year in pictures, check this out! http://flipagram.com/f/  xoxoxo

Escaping to the Dominican made me a better person

Jared and I have an annual tradition of leaving the country (or at least taking a legit trip) once a year. We started this tradition at 22 years old and have held strong for 5 years. At 8 months pregnant I saw a sweet deal on Groupon for an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic. After I forced/convinced Jared into booking the trip, I never second guessed that decision. It was a great deal! 

Fast forward a few months and we had a 5 month old. And unfortunately, life with a new baby had not been as fluffy and blissful as I had anticipated. The first 3 months I had endured physical and emotional trauma, insecurity, breastfeeding tribulations, injury and pressure to be a functioning and working woman. Basically,  I was a hot mess that was in charge of caring for a tiny human. Who's idea was that?! Suddenly, around 4 months I felt like the clouds had lifted. This baby didn't scare me quite as much and I became a little more confident. What I'm saying here is, I was in need of a vacation. I had made it through the hardest few months of my life, yet, I couldn't bring myself to feel good about actually leaving for this trip.  

I had some serious anxiety (surprise) leading up to leaving for the Dominican. Like, it made me sick to even think about having to say goodbye. I had bounced back and forth about bringing him with, but I knew that the safest idea would be to keep him safe in the U.S. with my mom. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him in a foreign country. 

I was grumpy the entire day leading up to when we left. I wasn't excited to leave. I felt like an ass hole for leaving my baby, especially when numerous people had innocently told me, "wow, good for you, I could never leave my baby." How do you respond to that? It just made me feel like a bad mom. Obviously I love my baby more than anything in this world, but I also wanted to honor my marriage with quality time, preserve my mental health and allow for us to carry on with our "pre-baby lifestyle" to the best of our ability. Jared and I rarely have days off together and our schedules are as opposite as could be, and that's why we make time for things like traveling. It helps our marriage grow and keeps our friendship, not just our relationship, strong. 

We dropped Cade off with my mom, and of course, I cried. I cried for the first 20 minutes of the car ride to the airport and then, suddenly, I felt a sense of relief. I knew he was ok, I knew we would have fun and I was excited to actually re-connect with Jared again. My mind wasn't just focused on a baby...I felt a sense of freedom! Is that bad?

We spent 6 days there...eating, drinking, sleeping, and staring at the waves. I had no desire to actually "travel" and explore like we usually do. The only plans we actually made was when we wanted to eat and what times I needed to go pump (which was 7x a day!!!). Seriously. Our time was lazy and absolutely glorious. 

I'm so grateful for technology...being able to Skype/Face Time with Cade made it so much easier to be gone. I looked forward to seeing his face and seeing how happy he was with grandma. My peace of mind was solidified with every conversation and email update from my mom. 

The point of this post isn't to justify my personal decision to leave my baby and take a vacation. It's to recognize that it can be extremely healthy to get away and re-group. The anxiety leading up to leaving was waaaay worse than actually being gone. I am not one to judge any woman's parenting style...being a mom is a unique experience and it isn't until you become one that you truly know what YOU are comfortable with. I know there are a lot of women who are not comfortable leaving their baby/wouldn't want to leave their baby. For us, this was a very healthy decision and I'm incredibly grateful that pregnant and spontaneous me booked this trip because I would have NEVER been brave or confident enough to book a vacation after having him.

I value the time Jared and I got to spend together. Our time together is something I never take for granted because it's precious and not always guaranteed. The next few months will be chaotic with our work schedules and we will be focused on watching our baby grow. I hope that this shows another side to life with a baby. Like everyone says, a baby changes everything. However, I believe that adapting while holding true to your foundation will make the entire family stronger and healthier overall. I felt so refreshed and beyond thrilled to see Cade upon our return. Quality time, alone time and sleep definitely made me a better, more refreshed and relaxed person and that's the kind of mama Cade needs 

 

 

A different state of mind

I thought I would blog a lot more through my pregnancy, since it's such a mind fuck. I've been writing in my head, yet it just hasn't been put into words. I survived water polo season, graduated with my Masters and am finishing up the last few weeks of work at my wellness job. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I still feel like a huge part of me is in denial. I see myself getting larger...freakin' everywhere, I've been getting the nursery ready ish, had an amazing baby party (it involved Tequila, therefore, not a baby shower, but a baby party, in case you were wondering), I pin baby shit on Pinterest, go to natural birthing classes and I've seen what my baby's face looks like! Yet, the thought of actually having a baby around 24/7 is highly overwhelming and unreal!

I've had a few weeks, on and off, where I've been SUPER tired. I would usually never miss a workout, or go lay in my car at work, but last week for example, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. And felt like the size of a truck, but that's beside the point. Being so tired made me feel lazy, the feeling of lazy made me feel depressed. For the first time in my life, I felt like how many of my clients have felt- depressed, large, tired, anxious, etc. We all have our reasons, mine just has everything to do with being pregnant! It's hard to pull yourself out of that mindset, regardless the reason of why you have it in the first place. I know I have a miracle to look forward to, but as of right now, it's depressing to feel so out of my normal (aka non-preggo) routine, in a body that I don't recognize, in a mood/mindset that I'm not familiar with and really don't like or condone.

If Snookie can do it, SO CAN I!

It's obvious that I do not enjoy being pregnant. I do, however have a whole new appreciation for how strong, resilient and capable a woman's body is. I've been incredibly fortunate to have a very easy pregnancy and to even my own surprise, I'm not afraid of going into labor without an epidural! I've done everything to be physically prepared for pregnancy/labor prior to getting pregnant, as well as during this pregnancy and for that I am SO grateful.  I am afraid of everything after all this! I don't think you can truly prepare for life with baby, which is why it's so overwhelming to comprehend. Every time I try to plan out the what ifs...I end up freaking myself out. I don't know anything about babies, or what life will be like, but I am confident in my resources and  instincts.

It's important for me to write this for a few reasons: to be able to look back and laugh/criticize myself for being such an ass hole, and to provide a different perspective (the good and the bad) of what it's like to be pregnant because there are a lot of extremes that you hear or read about. Maybe my honesty will resonate with a few people!

True love.

I am excited to meet Baby Battles- it comes in waves where all of a sudden it hits me...this will be the most challenging, yet rewarding thing I will EVER do or experience. Besides, if I can love my water polo girls and my dogs as much as I do, I KNOW I will completely love and adore this baby. We'll all be ok.

A Graduation of Sorts

As many of you probably saw on Facebook, I am officially done with my thesis, which concludes my Masters Degree!  I'm relieved to be done and proud that I was able to finish it in a relatively short amount of time given all that's been going on.

As a coach, I'm surrounded by young women working toward their Bachelors, figuring out what their interest is and who they are as an individual. I think it's really hard to know who you are and what you want when you are between 18-22 years old. I always tell them that who they are at 18 is dramatically different then who they'll be at 22. This has been the best part of coaching for me...watching the transformation that occurs during their time in college. So many times they remind me of the transformation I've made within the last 5 years of my life and to take it back even further, they remind me of the insecure idiot I was at 18-20ish.

Graduation can be a time of reflection and the start of a new chapter in life. When I graduated in 2008 with my Bachelors, I was driven and ready to step away from the world of being a student athlete and into the world of having a career...of some kind, anyway. There's so much pressure to know what to do post college...what jobs to apply for, to go to graduate school or to not, what to go to grad school for, where to live...how long to live with mom and dad...or how to afford rent, to travel, how to afford traveling, etc. Obviously this list could go on and varies from individual to individual. All I know is that I did not have anything figured out once I graduated, but I was determined to kick ass in whatever way I could. I knew I wanted to get my Masters, but I had no idea what I wanted it to be in. I had ideas and different interests, but nothing worth the money or time it would take to go back to school...at least not at that point in my life.

I was fortunate to get some opportunities in the health and wellness industry early on as a young and dumb college graduate with zero working experience beyond teaching swim lessons. I learned a lot through trial and error and gradually developed my identity and values within that industry. I became passionate about helping others get healthy and strong and not in the conventional way. This passion also helped fuel my individual goals for health and fitness, leading me to complete a half Ironman, various races, Crossfit and Olympic lifting. I was able to find my identity through what made me happy and I'm blessed that I get to reflect my passion through my work.

The opportunity to coach college water polo occurred when my former coach stepped down from her position and the assistant position needed to be filled. When I was approached about the possibility of being the assistant, I thought it would be a great way for me to go back to school, plus, it would be an awesome opportunity at such a young age to coach at that level. With some reservation, yet excitement, I accepted the position and was able to take a new job in the Wellness field to help balance my new coaching schedule.

This was a crazy time during my life, but now that I look back, this was also a time of graduation. I left one chapter of my life behind and began a new one. I never thought I wanted anything to do with water polo again, or at least any time soon. And now after 4 years of collegiate coaching, I've realized that I don't coach for the sake of water polo. The sport is one that I love and have a lot of respect for because it provided the basis of who I have become. However, my loyalty to coaching lies within the relationships I have developed with the girls who have come through the program and who are currently in it. Being a part of their life experiences and contributing to their life in a positive matter is why I choose to keep doing it.

I began my Masters about a year and a half ago not knowing how I was going to balance working, coaching, school, a social life and marriage....AND finding out I was pregnant. I kind of went into it blind, but knew it was a subject that I could at least be interested in and could apply to both of my career paths. It was a great decision and I feel proud that I was able to finish it while balancing a crazy work load, traveling to Australia and the Mediterranean and finishing my thesis during my third trimester. Although it took me a few years to truly figure out what I wanted to go back to school for, I'm grateful for the real life opportunities I've had that has lead me to this point in my education.

I'd like to publically thank my husband, Jared for being so supportive, even knowing that he now gets stuck with my student loans. :) He never once questioned me when I told him I wanted to go back to school. He helped me on various projects and made sure I wasn't alone in this. I also want to thank my mom for being my number one fan and constantly encouraging me to pursue my education and convincing me that I am good enough and able to do it all.

It's never too late to figure out who you are, what you are really interested in, or to change paths completely. I'm glad I'm not who I was at 18, or at 22! Life is full of graduations; when one adventure ends, and new one begins, even if you aren't completely ready for it (pregnancy, baby, holy shit!!).  Be open to change, to risk and to doing it all while you can, even if you think you can't. Writing this was therapeutic for me, so if you made it this far through, thank you!

A Police Wife's Manifesto

The recent events involving the deaths, injuries and threats to California Police Officers and their families has weighed heavily on my heart. The circumstances behind these deaths are even more troubling. There has been an outpouring of support for these Officers, however, with the media and social media, many hateful words and generalizations have been made toward the members of the Law Enforcement community as well. With every status update, article comment, interview and speculation made, I felt myself become more defensive and angry at what many members of our society think of law enforcement. I'd rather not focus on the accusations behind this whole incident. All I can say is that there are disgruntled and corrupt employees in every corporation; there is no justification for retaliation in the form of murder and the taking of innocent lives.

I'm in a situation where I have an obvious bias. My husband and many of my closest friends are police officers. They are good, just people who value the integrity of the position they uphold. I am unbelievably proud to be the wife of a man who was called to be in this position. I've never doubted his ability to be in this position; I'm in awe of how well fit he is for this career and I'm glad that he is able to have a career that he believes in. It certainly has not been an easy road, as it has put some added stressers on our marriage, but I've learned that I must value every day and every minute that we have together. We've matured and become stronger in our marriage because of his profession.

The Thin Blue Line has long been a symbol of our nation’s law enforcement. The blue represents our police officers and the courage they must find in order to stand in harm’s way time and time again. The black around it represents their fallen comrades. Every time an officer is killed in the line of duty, it is said that the thin blue line gets just a little bit thinner. The line itself is the strongest symbol and it is the very reason why these men and women choose to serve – it represents the barrier between good and evil, anarchy and civil society, the barrier between the innocent and the predators.

Like all military, fire and police wives, my greatest fear is losing my husband in the line of duty. Seeing the widow of the fallen officer hits so close to home. Many people cannot begin to understand her sacrifice and the challenges she now has ahead of her. As the spouse, parent or child of a police officer, you are taught to be strong; you learn it over time. People constantly ask me if I worry about him and my initial answer is that I trust in God and know my husband is well trained...but of course I worry! I just try not to think about it often. I just pray every night for him because that is the only control that I have. He prays every morning on his way into work for guidance and strength. I want his values instilled into our son. I'm so excited that our baby boy will get to have Jared as his father and someone to model after.

I can't change the minds and opinions of the people out there, but I ask you, as a friend of mine, to change the way you think of these men and women. The majority in this career are doing it for the right reasons and these are the individuals worth focusing on. They are here to protect you from seeing and experiencing harm; they do it for you. They risk their lives every day just by putting on a uniform. These men and women have families to come home to, that love them unconditionally, so please think twice before insulting an entire profession based on the few who give it a poor name. If you know a police officer, I encourage you to extend your thanks for the sacrifice they make. I've seen how much the expression of gratitude has impacted my husband and our friends in this profession.

God bless our police officers, their families and all those that love them.

70 years strong: a friendship love story

My grandma, her first husband (my mom's dad), and Priscilla.

My grandma's best friend of 70 years died of Alzheimer's disease this past week. 70 years!! Very few people can say they have had someone in their life that long. Priscilla, my grandma's best friend, was like a sister to my grandma, being that my grandma was an only child. These two girls met in 8th grade and stayed by each others side through high school, marriage, war/deployment of their husbands, pregnancy, raising children, being grandmas, family sickness and tribulations, and the deaths of their husbands. They were each other's person through ALL of life's events. Although they were separated by 3,000 miles for most of their adult life, my grandma living in California and Nevada and Priscilla in Maine, they continued to hold onto their friendship by talking on the phone consistently.

Anyone who knows me, or has read this blog consistently,  knows that I find strength to be the most beautiful attribute a person can possess. I'm not just referring to physical strength, but strength gained through human relationships, experience, adversity, maturity, etc. My grandma is not only in great physical shape (if you were at my wedding, you can surely attest to this because she probably danced the night away with you), but she's also the strongest person I know. She has experienced a lot of loss in her life: the death of her young husband from Lou Gehrig's disease, the death of her son from brain cancer, the death of her daughter in law, the death of her second husband and now the death of her best friend, who was her constant through all of this loss. My grandma stayed by my mom's side during a turbulent first marriage to my dad and helped my mom grow into an even stronger woman. She acted as my mom's foundation and only true support unit while my mom learned to raise us on her own.  My grandma always made a choice to stay positive, to stay active and engage with those she loved through all of the challenges she faced. She had no choice but to stay strong in order to hold on to happiness; her choice to be strong, ultimately gave her the gift of joy.

Friends until the end

Having a best friend is having true love. I loved hearing all the stories my grandma would tell about how much trouble her and Priscilla would get into when they were younger. But more importantly, I love knowing that these two women held on to each other through out the entirety of life and made each other stronger. I know my grandma is very sad about the loss of her best friend, but Priscilla, despite having Alzheimer's, remembered my grandma's voice until the end. My grandma was imprinted into the heart and mind of her best friend until her dying day.

Hold your friends close, hold your family close. They will be the ones to love you and support you when the weight of the world is too heavy, even for the strongest of people. We can't go through life alone, so find your person, find your network that keeps you strong and don't ever let them go.

The 5 almost daily healthy habits of a crazy busy, yet semi-organized, twenty something.

I absolutely should not be writing a blog right now. I should be working, doing homework, or paperwork. But sometimes, I enjoy a little procrastination, as long as it's not to the point of an anxiety attack (totally likely).

true life.

Last week I wrote about the changes and the crazy busy life that has come into full swing around my household. Now, I don' t have kids (much to the disappointment of my water polo girls), but I do have a husband, and dogs, and cats, and clients, and college water polo girls, and teenage water polo girls that all need my attention on a daily basis. Because there are not enough hours in the day to complete everything I need to, I've created a somewhat organized system that has helped me stay mentally stable. And because there are plenty of people that are much busier than I am, I thought maybe I would share what has helped me maintain a balancing act of health and sanity.

1. Jared and I started a weekly devotional. It's called Love Dare.We shut off the tv, stop studying, get off facebook/pinterest, and put the phone away. It's intended to be a 40 day devotional, but because I don't see him every day, we decided it would be best to read it together weekly. After reading the weekly chapter, we have 1 week to complete the "dare" or activity that is associated with the topic of the devotional. Our first topic was "patience"...FAIL. Yes, I failed that love dare, surprise, surprise.  And was made fully aware of it! But anyway, it got better and we're on week 5! It's been a great way for us to reconnect in the midst of the crazy surrounding us. If your marriage or relationship could use improvement, or not, I still highly suggest doing something similar to this.

2. Buy a white board for the kitchen. I write meal ideas for the week (tacos, ribs, chicken, etc). Nothing too specific, but at least one of us knows what meat to pull out of the freezer in the morning. There is nothing I hate more than coming home after a seriously long day and not having any idea of what to have for dinner. I also write down what chores/errands need to be done at any point during the week as a way for me to have a visual reminder...as if a messy, dog hair covered house isn't enough of a reminder. Jared knows I'm obnoxious by nature, but I swear this little whiteboard has helped him know my "expectations" (yes, I know that sounds terrible), but often times he has to remind me that he is incapable of reading my mind and that unless I literally tell him what needs to be done, he won't know to do it. Fair enough- I'm always grateful for his help.

3. Exercise. It may be obvious, or not, but every single person can find time to exercise. It's beyond fitting into a certain size or lifting a lot of weight off the ground. Getting in a workout can improve the quality of your day and mental state. There are days that I lay in bed at 5:15am protesting the sound of my alarm and mentally finding a billion justifications of why I need more sleep. But if I give in to ignoring the alarm clock, I'll feel terrible the rest of the day. So, on days that you are struggling to find time to workout, allow yourself 10 minutes; everyone has 10 minutes. You don't need a gym, you don't even need shoes! Do something like 5 burpess, 10 jumping lunges, 15 sit ups and get it as many rounds of that as possible in 10 minutes. I swear, you'll feel good and will probably be able to sleep better, think clearer and be a better mom, wife, employee, boss, etc.

4. You know when you hear a song that makes you happy? Like, you either start dancing like a gangsta, line dancing like a cowgirl, fist pumping like Snooki and her baby, or twirling like a ballerina (even if all of this is just in your head?!). Well, I hope I'm not the only one. Anyway, find "your" songs and make a playlist, or a pandora station, or a CD (for those of you who also have a car that is on the verge of death, like mine is). HINT HINT JARED! Listen to your music and clear your head.

5. Meditate- or something like that. Find time to sit in silence. This is a rare occurance for me; typically I'm surrounded by the sound of treadmills, whistles, talking, splashing. However, I have recently made a point to sit in silence, usually in my car when driving to the gym, or to work, or home. This has allowed me to really take in everything that is going on around me and to express gratitude for all the blessings around me. Some of you may use this time to pray, or think about issues that are weighing heavily on your heart. This time can be used for positive self-talk as well; let the ideas stir and set little goals. Allow yourself this time, because most of you also live to please and work to take care of everyone around you, instead of focusing on you.

These habits have really helped me keep a positive outlook and stay organized on my really hectic days. Hopefully this has provided additional ideas for your to incorporate into your own life.  As always, thank you to who ever reads this blog and has expressed support for Jared and I and all that we have going on right now.

Thank you

There have been some pretty significant changes in our household that have been in the works for a few months, but everything has finally come together for us. The biggest change for us has been Jared's transition to a new Police Department. I'm incredibly happy for him and feel blessed that this opportunity has actually come together.  Please keep him in your prayers, as this will be a challenging next few months for him (and for me!!).

Jared on his first day of patrol- participating in a 9/11 tribute.

I do want to say thank you to our families and friends who have shown their support to him, whether it was in person, through a text, or simply "liking" some of the updates we put on Facebook. :) It's great to see such a show of support and so many words of encouragement. There's so much negativity that constantly surrounds a Police Officer's career and it's really difficult and frustrating to hear about it in the media or by opinionated strangers. We are so grateful and proud to be surrounded by positive, supportive and encouraging people.

On my end, life has become pretty crazy...this is what's going on: I'm still in school- about half way done with my Masters degree. I get in my own training and help coach at Crossfit in the mornings, I'm still working at my wellness job during the day, coaching water polo at night and I recently started coaching club water polo a couple times a week at night as well. Early mornings and late nights. Did I mention that I've gone a little crazy?

I have plenty of friends, clients and family members who question my sanity and the challenges Jared and I have taken on. We all have crazy schedules and varied responsibilities, yet, it's important to have a reason of why you do it. I still find joy in everything I do, even if that joy is hard to feel at times. When I lose the joy of coaching or working with my clients, I'll know it's time to move on. When I'm no longer able to enjoy "me" time in the gym, or have time to spend with Jared, I'll know it's time to cut something out. Until then, Jared and I have decided to work as a team, to support each other's individual goals, as well as work on bettering our relationship, which can be really easy to neglect when we both have so much going on in our individual lives.

I just wanted to give an update and say thank you for all the support!

Mediterranean Madness

Keeping a blog during the summer is hard, in that, I'd much rather spend my free time away from a computer. But I do miss blogging because it's a fun way for me to track the months and events that have inspired me enough to write. I have a few things floating around in my head that I'd eventually like to write down on this blog, but I'd first like to start easy with a little recap about the trip we just got back from. :)

LOVE him.

Jared and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary with a Mediterranean Cruise around Greece and to Turkey. It was so amazingly beautiful and a great way for us to reunite after months of crazy schedules and our fair share of marital ups and downs. It was a great reminder of how grateful and relieved that he's the one I get to share the joys and disappointments of life with. He is certainly the best teammate I've ever had.

We flew into Venice, Italy boarded the ship and passed out. We even slept through the emergency drill. Oops.  The next day we arrived in Bari, Italy; it's a small town in southern Italy. We explored the town and got settled into traveling mode.

New Friends!

At dinner we made friends with a couple who are from the states but are living in Italy right now serving in the US Airforce. We decided to travel together, which made picture opportunities so much easier (as if you couldn't tell by the obnoxious amounts of photos of Jared and I from this trip on facebook). They were such great company and wanted to do the same adventurous activities that we wanted to. We also made friends with a couple from Canada who were celebrating their honeymoon! It was fun to hang out with new people and explore together. It worked out great!

Corfu, Greece

Athens (Parthenon), Greece

The next day we went to Corfu, Greece. We took a taxi to Paleokastrita and spent the day enjoying the beautiful beach cove and the surrounding caves! 

The next few days we spent in Athens and Santorini, Greece. In Athens, we saw the Acropolis and the site of the first Modern Olympics. In Santorini we hiked a volcano, soaked in the natural hot springs, hiked with donkeys (only partially on purpose), and explored the beautiful island. We loved it there!

Ephesus, Turkey

Marble Starting Blocks.
Olympia, Greece

We wrapped up our trip with the ancient city of Ephesus in Turkey and a day in Olympia, Greece. Ephesus was SO hot, but it was really interesting learning about the history of the city. Olympia was great because we spent half of our day exploring the sacred site of the ancient Olympics. It was fascinating learning about the athletic events and seeing where these athletes trained and competed. I LOVE that stuff! We spent the last half of our day at the beach, soaking up the sun and playing in the water.

Katakolon, Greece

Our nights were filled with lots of food (umm...like 4 desserts a night for me alone) and entertainment. I kinda remembered what it was like to have a social life! It was fantastic!

We had an amazing trip and it was a fun way for Jared and I to reconnect and do something we both love so much. He's a great travel buddy and we're so blessed to have been able to have this experience.

Coming back home totally sucked; our plane landed and when we turned on our phone we had a text from our friend who was house/dog-sitting saying that our puppy, Colt, was in the ER. Long story short, he ate underwear. Yes, I officially have 2 underwear eating dogs. And he ended up having intestinal surgery. FML. Welcome home.

So that's our trip very briefly summarized. I know I said this when I blogged about our trip to Australia, but I can't convey how important and life-changing traveling is. I know it's expensive and there are many other priorities in life, but I highly recommend making travel one of your priorities; even if it's a short, simple trip. It has changed our life and our goal is to try and leave the country at least once a year, at least while we can. After all, this is the youngest and most "irresponsible" we'll ever get to be. :)

March Madness

I can remember being 7 years old, laying in bed at night, stressing about a book report that was due the following week. I always turned in my homework, studied hard, earned decent grades, never had detention and was even voted "Most Conscientious" in third grade. The thought of procrastinating stressed me out and gave me anxiety. At like, age 10. WTF.

In addition to being intrinsically motivated/slightly insane,  my mom made damn sure that my sister and I wouldn't be anything less than overachieving and successful young women. I call it the "single mom effect." Therefore, she insisted that my sister and I learn how to time manage, work hard, persevere and balance school and life at a very young age. She forced us to go to swim practice when it was pouring rain, early on Saturday mornings and when we had homework. At the time, I hated that all my friends got to be home during the evenings to watch TRL while I had to freeze my ass of and swim for 2 hours. I would get home after 7pm and do homework until bedtime. I did this my entire life. Accountability, serious work ethic and time management was something that was ingrained into our systems; we knew no other way, we embraced it and ended up actually enjoying it (except for the missing TRL part...).

Fast forward quite a few years and the structure of my daily life hasn't changed too much. An unfortunate side effect to living an over-scheduled life and being high anxiety person is the stress that inevitably builds when there's a lot of going on.  I know everyone can relate in some way; a demanding job, a tough class schedule, motherhood, etc. What I've come to realize about myself is that I can handle the pressure well, until I just simply can't anymore. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it kinda goes like this- I'll take on the damn world without thinking twice about how crazy it will make me. Until that is, the time comes that it actually does makes me crazy. Like, lots of chocolate bars and crying, crazy. And then I say, "WTF was I thinking?!?"

The past month has been Battles Household: March Madness. It goes beyond the shitty class I'm currently taking. It was more than coaching water polo and having a major realization that I'm also a counselor, advocate and friend to these girls- even when it's hard to be-even when I don't know how to be. It went far beyond just showing up to my day job. It's beyond going  20 some days without a day off with no real end in sight. And lastly, it goes beyond the fact that a cop and a coach decided to get married and then never see each other due to the ever changing, never complying, schedules. Ok, so maybe it's all those things combined...or maybe they were just contributing factors to me almost (definitely) losing it.

What really pushed me overboard was having to deal with some unexpected health concern(s) in our home within the same week. Everything is/should/will/hopefully be ok. However, having to face some potentially scary issues really made my anxiety skyrocket.  My stress level was pushed overboard to the point of tears and consumption of copious amounts of chocolate bars...again.

It's amazing that we can go through our lives, knowing what to expect from our daily routine, anticipating a bad day or two here and there, yet, when something scary and unexpected happens, the balancing act goes out the window. Our routine is no longer in place, and sometimes all of it is too much to handle. I broke down. I was exhausted. I slept through my morning workouts and when I was able to workout, I just went through the motions.  I ate chocolate bars for dinner because I was too tired, drained and unmotivated. I justified one too many excuses this past month.

Baby Colt

I do have to say that I'm pretty much back on track now. It helped that we got a new puppy (unexpectedly, but a precious blessing to our home, nonetheless).

I started to feel strong again. I learned that strength isn't something to take for granted. I missed the feeling and hated that I had struggled so hard to find it for a few weeks. I learned that strength never fully leaves you; that experiences and hard times make you stronger, tougher and all around better. Sometimes there are days or weeks or months that weigh us down and make it really hard to fight back. It's not just about waiting out the storm; it's about slowly pushing forward, even in the worst conditions and knowing that it will pass.

I LOVE THIS.

So, even in the height of ugly conditions, I think it's important to maintain some degree of consistency.  For me, it was finding a small block of time to get in a workout, even if it was shitty in comparison to what I can usually do. It was making more than the usual amount of phone calls to my best friend. It was being forced to stop my daily madness to focus on the larger issues at hand with Jared.  I found my priorities and continued to push, even when I was literally weak from life's obstacles. Things calmed down, they got better and I became stronger.

Find the things that keep you focused and somewhat sane, so that you can fall back on them when you're weakened. And...if you need to eat some chocolate to help you feel a little better...well, you know how I feel about that.
I know this isn't a completely typical blog of mine, so if you've actually read through it, thank you! Go be strong, people!

Quick Fix= Big Fail

I consider myself blessed in that I get to share in the health related success of many people. With this, I get to hear hundreds of stories, share in their journey, and learn from people of all different shapes, sizes, ages, genders and ethnicity. This is what makes you a better coach, trainer, mentor, etc. It goes far beyond the degrees, books and continuing education; you have to get involved and share in each person's journey in order to be successful. What you learn as you grow with these people is that there's no "right way," no "one size fits all" approach to health.

I'd like to make what I consider to be an obvious point in regard to your health; what works for her, probably won't work for you. Her eating plan, caloric intake, exercise routine, lifestyle is not going to be the same as yours. Just because she experienced success using weight watchers, or eating vegan, or eating paleo, or using a stupid 30 day meal/pill/shake/video program (you should be smacked) doesn't mean you will experience the same success she did. Unfortunately, many, many people get caught up in a one size fits all approach to eating and fitness. 

This has come up recently with my one of my friends. She started Crossfit and began to eat a paleo kinda diet.  Her paleo diet, mixed with her new workout routine, wasn't providing her with what all "paleo believers" say they feel when they switch to a paleo lifestyle. She felt tired, constipated, fat, and had gained weight. Obviously, this doesn't happen to everyone who eats paleo, but for her, she was like WTFFF! I eat SO healthy, why do I feel like shit? How did she fix this? She added a few things back into her diet (yogurt, granola, rice) and she felt much better. She didn't stop eating a paleo-ish diet, she didn't add bread or ice cream or processed crap. She added nutrients that made her body feel better. Adaptations should be made in any "diet" to keep your body functioning at the most optimal level. Isn't that the goal of any nutritional/fitness program...to actually feel and look better?? Sometimes it takes tweaking the diet in order to get the results.

This same story occurs with lots of different people of all dietary lifestyles. I hear the vegetarian/vegan story a lot. They eat healthy, feel great at first, and then slowly they begin to feel sick, chubby and tired. They can't seem to understand it! However, some people who eat vegetarian feel fantastic and have never had these issues.

Last example, the shakes/pills/30 day diet people: Their diet works great at first, until of course, it's over, they can't afford to buy more crap, and my favorite epiphany- they realize it's absolutely horrible for their health. Unfortunately, people get caught up in the quick fix and fail to take the time to figure out what will be the healthiest, longest lasting and effective mode of eating for them. It's easy to take pills and make shakes. It's easy to say, "oh well I just won't eat meat." It's easy to say, "I'll never have a cookie again" (ok fine, not as easy). Taking any drastic approach to your health works for some people. However, in my personal journey toward health and with my experience working with people, I have seen it completely backfire, especially when it comes to the Jenny Craig, pill popping and shake drinking population.

Again, there are a few alterations that can be made to your diet to improve your quality of life. The universal rules we can all agree upon in the quest for health: eliminate ALL processed crap from your diet. If it comes in a box, bag, or has a shit load of ingredients- JUST DON'T EAT IT. Sugar should be limited. Massive amounts of processed carbohydrates (bread, pasta, etc) should be eaten rarely in most diets, even for the vegetarians.

The best approach to a "one size fits all" diet is consuming lots of fruits and veggies. Period. If your diet lacks these essential carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals, your health and waistline will pay for it. You can't argue this.

If you choose to eat meat, buy grass fed meat. It's better for you, and better for the environment. The protein is beneficial for many people. However, you can survive without eating it and still hold on to muscle mass. I personally endorse a diet that consists of protein, because I have seen people achieve amazing results by increasing their protein (meat) consumption, but I respect those that do not have it as a staple in their diet.

When you hear a news segment endorsing a new diet plan, pill, video or listen to an un-educated trainer on the Biggest Losing proclaiming weight loss and quick results, do yourself a favor and change the channel, or slap yourself.

And lastly, in regard to fitness, if you sit on the couch, get up and move. If you run everyday, stop and try lifting weights. If you lift light weights, try lifting something heavy. Stop doing bicep curls and start making your workout functional and effective. If you never do cardio, try doing sprints. Adapt your routine and you'll look better and feel better.
 It takes a long time to figure out what will work best for you. Have patience and utilize your resources. Don't buy into the quick fix, don't take advice from Shape magazine, or Jillian Michaels. Don't cut our red meat just because you think it will improve your health. Be smart, listen to your body and you'll know when you've found the right balance.

Strength through the ages, at any age.

This isn't a follow up post on this week's paleo post. It's not about how to eat, or exercise. It's a story that is appropriate for today, because today is my mom's 53rd birthday and she has been my life long example of what is means to be strong, confident, brave and beautiful.

I've wanted to write about her for a while now, and today seems to be the appropriate day to do so. Without going into too much detail of my childhood and teen years, let me summarize it by saying the following:

-She sacrificed everything for my sister, Desiree and I, during and after a turbulent relationship with my biological dad that ended in divorce.

-She worked 3 jobs as a single mom with no child support so that Desiree and I could still be normal and have everything that everyone else did.

-She's never missed a swim meet, water polo game or any other event we were involved in. Never. The same trend continued through college, where she traveled all over to watch my team. She did the same for my sister. She does the same for the team I currently coach.

-She expected the best from us, taught us what it meant to be accountable, and showed us how to be strong young women by setting the standard with her own example.

She learned how to be a strong woman after enduring an unhealthy relationship. She learned how to be a strong woman for her kids, because she has no other choice but to be. She took on the world and was able to figure out how to make everything turn out ok. Desiree and I never suffered. She re-married a man that would treat us just as well as he treated her. She had her priorities straight. We enjoyed our life.

When we left for college, my always skinny mom found fitness again by riding her bike, running, and going to the gym. She used working out as her outlet, her stress relief from from super long hours sitting at the computer working to support our college life.

She would come to me for advice on how to get stronger, and I always told her the same thing...lift more weights. Lift heavy weights. However, she was too intimidated, and had no idea what to do. I tried training her, but without me around, she felt too uncomfortable, so she stuck to her pink 5 pound dumbbells in her gym "cardio-strength" class. Whoo hoo!

I finally convinced her to change up her routine and at least try attending a Crossfit class, simply for the purpose of learning how to lift. I thought it would be a good atmosphere for her. Long story short, I get an excited phone call from her EVERY DAY, explaining to me what she did in class, and how she can never believe she is able to do 50 pull ups with the blue band, or squat 115lbs, or complete that kind of workout, "at THIS age."

I say, amazing.

I'm so proud of her for getting out of her comfort zone, and continually seeking to better herself and her kids, even when it meant putting herself in a vulnerable situation. Strength through hardships, by doing something you never thought you would be able to do or endure, shows character and defines the kind of person you are. Everyone loves her, and I couldn't be more proud to have a mom that is as kick ass as she is.

And mom, because you are the only one I know who reads my blog all the time, and always has an opinion, this one is for you, and I love you SO much! Thank you for all your sacrifices and for showing me how to be strong.

To Protect and Serve::God's Work

I stared at this picture for a long time. I look at this child's face and see pain, sadness and PRIDE.

FYI: This post is not about health, nutrition or wellness. This is a tribute to those who risk their lives for our freedom and safety. This is also a tribute to those who stand behind these men and women. I want to acknowledge the heartache and sacrifice faced by those working to protect and serve and the people who love these men and women. These feelings have been weighing heavily on my heart lately with the holidays and my sister's boyfriend's departure to the US Army.

I have had a lot of people in my life think it's crazy that I married a cop. I have had total strangers tell me my relationship will fail, simply because cops are "this way, that way, are at risk of this, or that." I've learned to ignore the stereotypes and the statistics. I have made a decision to embrace the job that my husband has because it makes him happy and because I am PROUD. He is truly doing God's work; protecting the good and eliminating the evils of society to the best of his ability. He sees what you would never want to see. He communicates with the people you avoid eye contact with on the street and knows them by name. There's a whole lot of ugly in this society that most people are completely oblivious to. At the end of the day, he does this job because he wants to do good for our society.



My sister's boyfriend, Evan, left for a four year venture with the US Army. He graduated from UCLA, has a wonderful family and a loving girlfriend who is going to miss him terribly. It breaks my heart to see my sister so devastated that the man she loves will not physically be with her for the next four years. However, in my sister, I see the same pride that I have for Jared. She is proud of Evan; proud that she has a man who loves her and loves his country. He wants to do good for our nation, he is working for the greater good.


These men and women sacrifice everything to protect you, your home, your freedom, your education, your children. They protect the people who can't protect themselves. They risk their lives selflessly.

It isn't easy being on "this side," either. We see and hear the heartbreaking stories, the frustrating stories, the injustices and the misrepresentation of the people we love and what their careers represent. Many moments are missed and holidays are missed or celebrated on other days. We have pride in our loved ones. We have pride in the greater good. We have pride in the strength of the men and women serving, and pride in ourselves for standing by our loved ones, despite the criticism. Our pride is our number one strength.

For all those serving in the military, law enforcement and fire departments, thank you for keeping our nation safe, our community safe and our families safe. Thank you to the families of these men and women. It isn't easy on either side of this, but it is worth recognizing and defending. Hold your head high, because no one can question or argue against doing God's work.

Strong is _______

I would like to start with some words of wisdom; words that I hope resonate with you. Words that you can repeat to yourself when you look in the mirror.

There are many catchy slogans going around that I FULLY endorse! For example, "Strong is the New Skinny," "Strong is the new Beautiful," "Strong is the new Sexy." A few of the more admired women in the fitness/wellness industry have also written about this positive trend. I adore these words. I think it's empowering for women to read and hear the combination of sexy/beautiful/skinny in coorelation with the word "strong."

Ok, we have ALL been told not to compare our bodies to the women we see on TV/magazines...yes, I think we all get this. I actually don't believe that the majority of women compare themselves to Victoria Secret models. I think women have an image in their head of what they imagine THEIR ideal body to look like. For example, I have a big ass. It's a strong big ass, but it's a big ass nonetheless. Would I like it to be smaller, yeah, maybe a little, but I have also come to accept a few things that go a long with having this ass. It's hereditary (thanks mom). It's hard and big and filled with muscle. It can back squat a ton of weight and haul my body through a Half Ironman. I can't change the bone structure of my body. The width of my pelvis will never, ever change no matter how much I diet/exercise. Besides, I would never want my bones to loose their width and strength...hello osteoporosis! Everyone is shaped differently. I naturally, (again, thanks mom) have a smaller waist. My jeans fit tight in the legs and loose in the waist...until I bought a pair of ghetto fabulous Cookie Johnson Jeans...holla! :)I digress. Ok, so what I'm saying is, we all have faults, and parts of our body that we simply cannot change. Factors such as fat content, CAN be changed. I could have a fat jiggly ass that is the same size as my muscular ass...tough choice here! However, you MUST come to accept the body God gave you, and create the healthiest, strongest version of this body.

I challenge you to change the way you view your "imperfections." Embrace the body you have, and manipulate your body into being a machine that works for YOU. If your goal is to loose inches and fat, AWESOME (notice I rarely say pounds...I will save that for another blog post). Get to the gym, and build up some muscle. Believe that "Strong is Sexy, Beautiful and the New Skinny." You are the only one that has control over the future of your health and your reflection in the mirror. Be strong, and be proud.