Escaping to the Dominican made me a better person

Jared and I have an annual tradition of leaving the country (or at least taking a legit trip) once a year. We started this tradition at 22 years old and have held strong for 5 years. At 8 months pregnant I saw a sweet deal on Groupon for an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic. After I forced/convinced Jared into booking the trip, I never second guessed that decision. It was a great deal! 

Fast forward a few months and we had a 5 month old. And unfortunately, life with a new baby had not been as fluffy and blissful as I had anticipated. The first 3 months I had endured physical and emotional trauma, insecurity, breastfeeding tribulations, injury and pressure to be a functioning and working woman. Basically,  I was a hot mess that was in charge of caring for a tiny human. Who's idea was that?! Suddenly, around 4 months I felt like the clouds had lifted. This baby didn't scare me quite as much and I became a little more confident. What I'm saying here is, I was in need of a vacation. I had made it through the hardest few months of my life, yet, I couldn't bring myself to feel good about actually leaving for this trip.  

I had some serious anxiety (surprise) leading up to leaving for the Dominican. Like, it made me sick to even think about having to say goodbye. I had bounced back and forth about bringing him with, but I knew that the safest idea would be to keep him safe in the U.S. with my mom. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him in a foreign country. 

I was grumpy the entire day leading up to when we left. I wasn't excited to leave. I felt like an ass hole for leaving my baby, especially when numerous people had innocently told me, "wow, good for you, I could never leave my baby." How do you respond to that? It just made me feel like a bad mom. Obviously I love my baby more than anything in this world, but I also wanted to honor my marriage with quality time, preserve my mental health and allow for us to carry on with our "pre-baby lifestyle" to the best of our ability. Jared and I rarely have days off together and our schedules are as opposite as could be, and that's why we make time for things like traveling. It helps our marriage grow and keeps our friendship, not just our relationship, strong. 

We dropped Cade off with my mom, and of course, I cried. I cried for the first 20 minutes of the car ride to the airport and then, suddenly, I felt a sense of relief. I knew he was ok, I knew we would have fun and I was excited to actually re-connect with Jared again. My mind wasn't just focused on a baby...I felt a sense of freedom! Is that bad?

We spent 6 days there...eating, drinking, sleeping, and staring at the waves. I had no desire to actually "travel" and explore like we usually do. The only plans we actually made was when we wanted to eat and what times I needed to go pump (which was 7x a day!!!). Seriously. Our time was lazy and absolutely glorious. 

I'm so grateful for technology...being able to Skype/Face Time with Cade made it so much easier to be gone. I looked forward to seeing his face and seeing how happy he was with grandma. My peace of mind was solidified with every conversation and email update from my mom. 

The point of this post isn't to justify my personal decision to leave my baby and take a vacation. It's to recognize that it can be extremely healthy to get away and re-group. The anxiety leading up to leaving was waaaay worse than actually being gone. I am not one to judge any woman's parenting style...being a mom is a unique experience and it isn't until you become one that you truly know what YOU are comfortable with. I know there are a lot of women who are not comfortable leaving their baby/wouldn't want to leave their baby. For us, this was a very healthy decision and I'm incredibly grateful that pregnant and spontaneous me booked this trip because I would have NEVER been brave or confident enough to book a vacation after having him.

I value the time Jared and I got to spend together. Our time together is something I never take for granted because it's precious and not always guaranteed. The next few months will be chaotic with our work schedules and we will be focused on watching our baby grow. I hope that this shows another side to life with a baby. Like everyone says, a baby changes everything. However, I believe that adapting while holding true to your foundation will make the entire family stronger and healthier overall. I felt so refreshed and beyond thrilled to see Cade upon our return. Quality time, alone time and sleep definitely made me a better, more refreshed and relaxed person and that's the kind of mama Cade needs