Transformation Update: I get it now

I've worked with various women through the years and the number one issue that came between them and becoming healthier was time. These women devoted all of their time to taking care of their kids, working and running the household. My best comeback was always something to the effect of, "well, you have to make the time." Make the time to workout, to cook dinner, prepare weekly meals, etc. What an asshole I was. Not purposefully of course, but yeah...what an asshole.

I get it now.

 It's incredibly difficult to survive motherhood, especially in a constant state of sleep deprivation that somehow becomes a new norm. Ugh.  In many cases, it seems as though the mom is the lifeline of the family...the one who keeps it all together. To ask a women who carries that weight of responsibility to give herself what I like to call "well time"- be it going to the gym, cooking/preparing healthy meals, getting a massage, etc, will seem ridiculous to her! It's the same notion as "sleep when the baby sleeps!"- riiiiight. There's just too much to do and the notion of free time can almost seem comical.

 I was raised by a single mom and watched her sacrifice everything for my sister and I. Working out would have been a luxury for her! And honestly, it wasn't her priority because it couldn't be. I'm fortunate to have a husband who supports me in everything, however, he isn't really around when I'm around.  Our schedules are opposite in every possible way. Jared does his part to care for our family, but there are many days and nights that I spend alone with Cade. There are places to go and things to do and I do not always have the resources available to "do it all." And holy shit, what a humbling experience for someone who is used to doing it all and never saying no to anyone or any opportunity. I'm learning to say no. Why? Because this baby is my top priority and there is absolutely nothing that can come before him. I'm his person. 

I get it now.

 I get why my clients would look at me with desperation and a hint of hopelessness. God Bless those women. A mom will sacrifice everything for her child; her previous life, even her ideal life. And the crazy part is, she won't think twice about it.

Progress picture taken on the 25th of each month

Which brings me to my own update, my process of transformation, which I initially  blogged about a few months ago. This is a slow journey for me. I ignorantly assumed that getting my body back would be a fast process, and to some, I suppose it looks like I'm pretty much there. However, I know my truth. I see this body every day. I see the stretch marks that appeared at 39 weeks pregnant with my huge baby. I see the loose skin that bulges over my jeans...making the choice of which shirt to wear a major challenge! :)  I feel what this body is able to do and what it is not able to do yet. I compare it to what it was before pregnancy and try not to get frustrated. This body survived a traumatic birth, it is still the only source of nutrition for my baby,  and  this body is gradually finding its way back to homeostasis. I'm 5 months postpartum and I'm still not as strong as I was at 40 weeks pregnant. This seems so ridiculous to me! Accepting this temporary normal has been such a struggle. I'm not able to put in nearly as much time into my training as I used to, or would like to. I simply can't. There are days, more often than not, that this baby kicks my ass. He needs me. The gym doesn't need me. I try to force myself to make the time, with the understanding/acceptance that it may not happen and I need to be ok with that. The workouts are short. My strength is far below what it "should" be, but I have a whole new appreciation for quality workouts. There's no way I can spend hours in a gym. I am a working mom and his full time care taker who is trying my freakin' best to do it all and have it all, while being mindful of my health. Learning to adapt my training volume and manage my training expectations postpartum/post surgery has been a lesson no education or certification could have ever taught me.

 As far as my nutrition...it seems to come in waves, according to how psycho Cade is that week. When Jared isn't with me, it's hard to be motivated to make dinner, especially because I get home late from coaching. Night time is a rushed routine of getting Cade prepped, nursed, nursed again and in bed. My home is chaotic. Constantly. My diet is SO from perfect, but I really do try to maintain my nutritional fundamentals that make up my overall philosophy on living a healthy lifestyle. I keep is simple and honesty it's pretty boring, but I feel better when I eat quality, real food...not just physically better, but mentally and emotionally more stable. Hey, I need all the help I can get!

It's been an entire year of tracking how my body has physically adapted to pregnancy and now postpartum life. I've been humbled by this entire experience, as echoed in almost all my blogs! Ha! The physical transformation that is in progress is mentally exhausting, especially because I'm so immersed in this field. It's my career! I'm "expected" to bounce back, but I'm making my reality known;  it's a slow process, it's vulnerable and I hope to set realistic expectations for other active mamas.

Because now, I actually get it.

 I get the sacrifice it takes to find time to care about yourself when you become a mom. It's hard to find the time, especially when you're beyond exhausted, but when quality is the focus and proper perspective is maintained, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself and your family.  A woman who feels strong, who is able to take time to  improve her self-image and confidence through living healthfully, will be a better, more energized and loving woman.

Thank you for being apart of my journey. Thank you for the support.